Goodbye 2018. Ciao, adios, see you later, it’s outta here!!! As we leave 2018 behind and move into 2019 I want to share with you how I spent New Year’s Eve, give you a brief round-up of 2018 and let you know my goals for 2019.
New Year’s Eve
New Year’s Eve started with me and the little monsters having a playful morning. I did my balance workout which felt good to get some form of exercise squeezed into a busy day. We then went to my Nan’s to have a delicious Chinese takeaway with her. Mark and his family were there which was nice, but Nan was not feeling well. When I arrived I gave Nan a hug and saw her left eye looked poorly. She was struggling to hear what I was saying and looked generally unwell. I didn’t like it all. The whole time I was there I could feel my anxiety trying to take hold, but I was able to keep it under control. With the girls there, it helps me stay focused. There was a time it almost got me and that was when Nan was on the phone and her eyes closed and fear quickly gripped me. She was fine and it turned out her eyes were just hurting that much she kept closing them to help ease the pain. My mind went to the worst place straight away, as it always does. I went to make a cup of tea for everyone which gave me time alone to compose myself.
Laura went to collect the food as I put on Disney’s Princess and the Frog (one of my favourites and I do a good Prince Naveen impression) for the girls. Freddie had been for his nap and was now up and awake and blessing us all with his presence and cheeky smiles. I do love how he seeks me out in the room and does his smile every time. I love the connection we have.
We stayed until about 8pm then went home. I was quiet on the way home as I was feeling very reflective and lost in thoughts. Once we got home, I quickly switched back to attentive Dad mode. The girls were having their first sleep over in Brooke-Haze’s room. I’d moved Ember’s bed into Brooke-Haze’s room earlier and they were both excited. I read them a story and left them to their own devices. We could hear them talking to each other which was cute. I used to share a room with Mark as a kid and I enjoyed it. I feared the dark and having Mark there, as well as my Postman Pat nightlight made me feel safer.
So how has 2018 treated you guys? It has been a strange year for me. I don’t usually like change and there have been lots of changes this year, some good and some bad but that is life. The new additions to the family (which is a good change) have grown from tiny babies to little people with their own little personalities. My MS wasn’t great through the colder moths (bad change), so I signed up for and completed the MS Warrior Programme. I achieved what I wanted through the programme and I am planning to build on that and keep the same mentality into the New Year. This past year has brought my relationship with Neil to a point where I will never be able to fully trust him again which has saddened me greatly. What has hurt the most is how he has appeared to not be that bothered by the whole situation; it has shown me what he truly feels towards me, his youngest brother. Even though my Nans health has been up and down this year, she has still been the constant for me; my anchor. She has been that for me since I was a teenager and I am truly grateful for that, I cannot express this enough. She also turned ninety two years old, only eight more for triple digits and a telegram from the Queen. This year also marked the end of all the stress my wife has had to endure regarding her late Mums’ estate. Laura has been learning to live life, the hardest part of the grieving process. She has done this with grace and great strength, I am proud of you but more importantly I know your Mum would be too. Brooke-Haze has continually expanded her knowledge, improved her reading and is a loving sister to Ember. Ember has grown from a toddler to a beautiful young lady. Those two bundles of madness have given me reason after reason to never give up. Even when I’m feeling really low, they are the light that always keeps me on the right path, I love you more than anything girlies.
I have never been charged with being the most ambitious guy in the world and I doubt I ever will. Goal setting is hard for me. It is like a lyric of a certain album that was not up to standard “how do you keep up the pace and the hunger pangs once you’ve run the race?” I achieved my biggest goal by becoming a father and creating a loving, safe home for them to grow up in. My life goals have always been simple; be content with who I am, help people the way others have helped me and be happy. My personal development goals for this next year are to be more self-sufficient, more confident, seek less approval and validation. It is tough because I have always struggled with confidence. People have always thought I am confident, even cocky at times, but it has always been a front to mask my insecurities. To be more confident in myself and have more self-belief will be a really big goal for me to achieve.
I plan to develop “Dave Against MS” by setting up a podcast and starting a YouTube channel. This will allow me to reach more amazing people with MS. I don’t just want to share my journey, I want to share all of our journeys. I want to learn how MS has impacted your lives, how you cope, what secret tips you might have to share. The MS community is so strong and caring and I really want to play my part in it. I would love to hear your thoughts on this and if you would be interested in participating then please let me know. I know different people are at different stages of their journey and to spread true awareness we need to show the world all the sides of MS, the chaos, isolation and the beauty. We can only do this by sharing all of our experiences; just like the symptoms of MS, no two are exactly alike.
So guys, what are your plans/ goals for 2019?